The Adventures of Mikomi.

[Chlorocidal]

I've been a writer all my life, throughout school I've always gotten A+'s on my essays and all that. I've won young writer's contests and have had stuff published in scholastic. I've been writing a fan-fiction series about the adventures of a boy named Mikomi, here is one of the "Chapters", I've inserted some background information about the boys (Stuff I've written in previous chapters.) But there will be some gaps. Like Honchcrow knowing hyper beam, which can only be earned via TM. And Akahoshi's Larvitar being a Pupitar. Rate it even if you hate it, and If you like it, I would actually enjoy writing more. The story basically follows the rules of the game's pokemon world, mixed in with aspects of the manga.


A bright beam of light suddenly launched itself across the sky, striking the side of a large mountain with a momentous explosion. Rocks began to crumble and fall away from the side of a mountain, landing in the river close to it. The explosion had come from a Honchkrow belonging to a pokemon trainer named Mikomi. A battle was raging across the landscape between Mikomi and his rival Akahoshi, both competing over a rare item, called a reaper cloth, that their item finders had simultaneously found.

“Woah!” Mikomi yelled over as his Honckcrow circled back in the air, “I didn’t know that you had become that strong Honchcrow!” He called out again. He grinned, it was rare that Akahoshi would battle him, but when he did it was serious. Akahoshi had been his best friend from the time they were born. They had grown up in the sevii islands together, being both born on quest island. They were each other’s only friends, being some of the only inhabitants of the island. Throughout their youth multiple strong pokemon trainers would come to the island as tourists in the hopes of challenging the battle tower. It was during one of these trainer visits that they had both been inspired to become pokemon trainers. After wandering along for awhile, in the hopes of catching a pokemon Mikomi had stumbled across an injured Honchkrow. He could tell that it was not native to the area and realized that something dreadful must have happened to it. He rescued it, and eventually it became his first pokemon. Akahoshi had also caught his own pokemon, a Larvitar, which he had found in the sevault canyon. After challenging the battle tower multiple times with their own pokemon, battling each other and the trainers that visited the island, they had scraped together enough poke-dollars to travel to kanto, in which they began their conquest.

“Get your head in the game fool, be serious!” Akahoshi said in his deep adult-like voice. He gestured his hand to his newly evolved Pupitar, and yelled “Sandstorm!” Pupitar instantly began to concentrate and soon enough a vicious sandstorm began to form. Mikomi looked up to his Honchkrow, who had just recovered from using the new hyperbeam attack he had taught it. “Astonish, then slam it with a wing attack!” He commanded. Honchcrow instantly barrel rolled and launched itself straight to Pupitar, taking little damage from the sandstorm. It smacked it with an astonish, causing a moment of surprise. “Move Pupitar, MOVE!!” Akahoshi shouted as Honchkrow’s wings began to glow, showing the signs of a wing attack. The shout had no effect though, as Pupitar was still suffering from the effects of astonish. Honchcrow slammed it’s wings into Pupitar, causing it to fall down on it’s back with a cry. Mikomi grinned, he knew that Akahoshi’s Pupitar had the firepower, but not the speed to keep up with his Honchkrow. “Now finish it off with a hyperbeam that doesn’t miss by a mile this time!” He yelled, laughing. Honchkrow let out a cry and soared into the air with brilliant speed. It stopped and spun down, charging the orange beam in it’s mouth. It let it loose, sending forth a massive amount of destructive energy straight onto Pupitar with an explosion. Pupitar let out a weak cry and fainted on the spot, passing out.

A sullen look came across Akahoshi’s face and he returned Pupitar to it’s pokeball. Mikomi knew that his best friend must be hurt, but he was still happy that he had won a battle against him. “Great battle, buddy!” He called it out in a cheery voice, but Akahoshi was staring at something. Mikomi trotted over to him, Honchkrow following soon after, and asked “What’s wrong?” Akahoshi sighed and shook his head, pointing over to where the rocks had fallen in the river. Water was overflowing and multiple water type pokemon were flopping along the land, helpless. “Yah, great battle,” Akahoshi said in a cynical voice, “But what are we going to do about that?”

More and more water continued to gush out of the dammed river, and pokemon along with it. Mikomi swallowed and brushed a couple beads of sweat from his eyes. “Well we could…uhm…” No matter how hard he tried to think he couldn’t seem to come up with an idea. Suddenly Akahoshi’s eyes lighted up. He turned to Mikomi and said, “Have Honchkrow use it’s hyperbeam on the rocks full power, I’ll have Pupitar throw up a protect around itself and the other pokemon so no one can get hurt.” Mikomi turned his head to Akahoshi, “Pupitar knows protect, why didn’t you use it in the battle?” He asked with a confused look on his face. “He takes a long time to use it, it’s to slow, just get ready to let Honchkrow loose it’s hyperbeam, the timing has to be perfect.” Akahoshi said, releasing Pupitar from the confines of it’s pokeball. “Wait, wait, wait!” Mikomi yelled. “Pupitar’s still extremely weak from the battle, and we’re out of potions!” He yelled over to Akahoshi, who just waved his hand in the air and continued to walk over to the flopping fish pokemon.

Mikomi sighed and looked over to Honchkrow, who had been circling in the air, watching the whole situation. And called out to it, “Honchkrow, come here!” It’s head suddenly darted to him and it instantly sped through the air, landing on the ground next to him gently. “I need you to loose the most powerful hyperbeam you can on those rocks damming up the river, ok?” he asked it in his nicest voice. Honchkrow tilted it’s head and let out a cry, hopping over to be more directly in front of the rocks. Mikomi looked over to Akahoshi who held up three fingers, then two, one… “NOW!” Mikomi yelled to Honchkrow, who began to charge up a ferocious ball of energy in it’s mouth.” A yell could be heard from Akahoshi as well, and a greenish wall of solid energy erupted over the beached pokemon, himself, and Pupitar. Honchkrow suddenly let loose, sending an explosive beam of energy at the pile of rocks. It collided and at first seemed to do nothing but nudge them, soon enough though they began to disintegrate, turning into dust and exploding. More and more rocks began to break off and suddenly with a roar, water began flowing at a normal pace again. Mikomi realized that he had been holding his breath the entire time and took a deep breath.

He looked over to see that Akahoshi and Pupitar were okay, and had already begun to throw the pokemon back into the river. Mikomi began to run over to Akahoshi but felt a tug on the back of his leg. He turned around to see a corpish latched to the back of his leg. He sighed and patted it on the head. It looked at him with eyes that seemed to say ‘thank you’. He pulled it off of his leg and set it on the ground. “You’re welcome little guy.” He murmured and ran over to Akahoshi, who had by then thrown the remainder of the pokemon back into the river. “I had no idea your plan would actually work,” Mikomi said in a surprised voice. He and Akahoshi locked eyes for a moment, and then begun to laugh. They couldn’t seem to stop. Suddenly they heard a yell. “Hey! Were you two the ones to cause that explosion?!” They both turned around, surprised, and saw an older man with a grouchy look on his face. “Who are you?” Mikomi and Akahoshi both said at the same time, confused. The old man muttered something and looked back and forth at their faces. “I’m Yoshitomi, the gym leader of Pewter City!” He yelled at them again, pointing his thumb at his chest. “And you two have some explaining to do!”
-End.

[GreenLiquid]

Is this fan-fiction part of a larger series? What you have here is good, but it tries to do too much characterization in too little space. Fitting into a greater work, though, this could fit very nicely. And the characters' response to the damming of the river does an effective job of characterizing them and developing plot.

I think it's pretty good. However, there are some glaring grammatical errors that detract from the story, which should definitely be fixed for the sake of professionalism. But on the whole, it has a lot of promise.

[Chlorocidal]

Yes it is part of a larger series, I can definitely tell that I rushed this one and I'll probably make an improved version eventually. This portion of the story was originally much smaller as I had already introduced a lot of background on the characters. I just liked this part of the story so I added a bit and like I said before, rushed it.