Disciplining Children with Violence

[Amir]

Do you think that parents should be able to use violence to help correct their children's behavior (such as spanking children or whipping them with a belt)?

This question crossed my mind today, and the people I'm staying with currently have a plethora of different opinions regarding the subject. Some individuals believe that it is a perfectly acceptable way for parents to raise their children, while others go as far as saying it is abusive and should not be done at all.

I'll post my opinion after I see a couple of responses from you. Discuss.

[Ditto616]

Ooh, a really touchy topic. Well, honestly, I don't know where my opinion rests with that. I honestly think that it is sometimes necessary for it, because nothing else up to that point worked. I think that it's alright, but should only be used as a last resort. It's just up to the kid's mindset, and how they think punishment through, since everybody thinks differently.

[Ningamer]

My parents used to spank me when I was little, and trust me - it worked. But when you're older it doesn't hurt as much, so you don't feel as much discipline. But you do feel pretty stupid (Probably - haven't been spanked in YEARS). I think it's okay, but only as, like Ditto said, a last resort.

[Sphinx]

I think spanking is terrible. Up until I was six, that's all they used for punishment. I think it is a horrible, and using a belt is worse.

[LiteTheIronMan]

No. What? No- I mean, no. Wha- no. You- just no.

The parent who doesn't have to raeg at their kids and instead tries to reach a level of discipline using language and words is a good parent.

[TheRagingTyranitar]

Violence will NOT solve anything.
If parent does something like that,it might affect the child mentally leading to hatred towards the parent.
Parents should try to teach discipline by using soft language.

[blueumbreon]

Originally Posted by TheRagingTyranitar

Violence will NOT solve anything.
If parent does something like that,it might affect the child mentally leading to hatred towards the parent.
Parents should try to teach discipline by using soft language.

^This. So true and agreed.

[omnizard]

Originally Posted by TheRagingTyranitar

Violence will NOT solve anything.
If parent does something like that,it might affect the child mentally leading to hatred towards the parent.
Parents should try to teach discipline by using soft language.

Agreed and I find it a horrible idea that parents use a belt to correct/teatch their childern.
well, I find it ok if it was used as THE LAST resort and if it is a soft hit not that you like to try and hit your child to the moon

[FreezeWarp]

Also agreeing with TRT, but it really is scientifically proven: in more than half of kids, spanking will result in mental damage to the child; specificially, they're much more likely to be a criminal, be abusive to their children, be abusive to their spouse, be involved in serious road rage, etc. Simply put, it results in a tendency to be bad long-term (and good short-term, but seriously, when you raise a children aren't you doing it for the long term?).

[Amir]

It seems like people are generally siding with the option "It is not acceptable to discipline children with violence." I'm on that side too, especially because of my knowledge in psychology classes. The punishment may temporarily allow obedience like FreezeWarp said, but will ultimately make the child dislike and rebel against the parent(s) in the long run.

Perhaps it may just be such a prominent part of life down here because I'm from the south. Highly educated people still agree that it is best to punish children in that way to "toughen them up." Well, I have to take care of a five year old who is frequently spanked by his mother, and he is the most disobedient and annoying thing on the planet! Sure, when he gets spanked he becomes nice again, but that's only for thirty minutes or so.

Alternatively, my relatives in Arkansas have my uncle whip their grandchildren when they are "bad." I think that's a horrible relationship for the girls to have with their uncle, because he communicates with them sporadically. The children are psychologically forming in their heads:
"My grandfather IS violence, so he is a bad thing."

[Ayunnuya]

First off, I believe spanking a child is a good way to keep him in line. Of course, over-use of this is bad, but I remember when I was younger, I wouldn't do certain things because I could get slapped with a belt. I can't really go against it. Some people think its wrong, but most forms of abuse (that I've heard of) don't usually involve a belt, but rather a drunken rage or something like that.

All that to say, spanking has it's place. It shouldn't be overused, but in most cases, it's necessary.

[FreezeWarp]

Originally Posted by Ayunnuya

First off, I believe spanking a child is a good way to keep him in line. Of course, over-use of this is bad, but I remember when I was younger, I wouldn't do certain things because I could get slapped with a belt. I can't really go against it. Some people think its wrong, but most forms of abuse (that I've heard of) don't usually involve a belt, but rather a drunken rage or something like that.

All that to say, spanking has it's place. It shouldn't be overused, but in most cases, it's necessary.

I've heard a lot of people say "Didn't hurt me" but the damage is usually psychological, and it doesn't affect everybody (many people will learn). But, in the majority, they don't learn, and are worse off. In contrast, verbal communication promotes a healthy relationship among family members.

This isn't to say spanking is outright wrong: on a per-child basis (assuming you know your own child) it may very well be the best option. So, many parents are doing it because they /know/ its the best way to tell their children to stop; others simply don't have the foresight.

[Neo Pikachu]

Haha, discoplining children with violence. I do not think getting whipped by your parents belts is such a bad thing. I wouldn't even call it abuse as long as the belt you're getting hit with doesn't leave marks. Now, if a parent were to tell his or her child to take off their pants so they could hit skin, that is wrong. Also getting whipped by your parents bare hands or "switches" is a bad thing. Getting hit by a belt with clothes on... not as much.

I think it is a good way to teach your child a lesson, but at the same time, if you try to speak to your child before and after he or she does something wrong then it is perfectly fine. Spankings messes up children mentally - really? Now, how hard and what methods are THOSE parents using to mess up someone mentally? Really, I think spanking your child should only be used as a last resort. Every parent should go by the three strikes that I go by at my school. If you mess with me once at school, I will let you go. You do something again, I will warn you. Third strike, you're out temporarily until I reset them.

[omnizard]

"Every parent should go by the three strikes that I go by at my school. If you mess with me once at school, I will let you go. You do something again, I will warn you. Third strike, you're out temporarily until I reset them"

I find that a very goodsolution my mother always did sota the same thing count to three and if it didn't happen.............. It happen like my mother said and that is better than spanking/ hitting with a belt

[Amir]

Even spanking can make a child dislike you. Like I stated prior to this post, it may be a good temporary solution, but is ultimately ineffective in the long run. If a child continues to do something that the parent doesn't like, then spanking may seem like the only option. However, that creates a cycle that is detrimental to the relationship of the parent and child, as well as teaching the child that it is acceptable to be violent. Before you know it, your child becomes one of those bullies at school, and you may even stop knowing who they really are entirely.

The point is, it's better to communicate with your child in the first place. Spanking shouldn't even be done as a last resort, in my opinion.

[omnizard]

Originally Posted by Amir

Even spanking can make a child dislike you. Like I stated prior to this post, it may be a good temporary solution, but is ultimately ineffective in the long run. If a child continues to do something that the parent doesn't like, then spanking may seem like the only option. However, that creates a cycle that is detrimental to the relationship of the parent and child, as well as teaching the child that it is acceptable to be violent.

Yes it is true what you said word can hurt more that violance.

[LoPun]

well, when I was little I was a good girl, but I got beaten senseless by a belt ONCE and I never done something close to the point where I'm gonna get beaten ever again.
But it doesn't really make me hate my parents, I'd hate them for a bit, but then I'd really like them.
Sometimes, SOMETIMES when a child does something really, really bad, and they won't listen and they are being the devil of a kid, just beat the **** out of them so they can listen and never make that mistake again. Most foreign parents do this, that's why you see their people straight up and "perfect"

[FreezeWarp]

Originally Posted by Amir

Even spanking can make a child dislike you. Like I stated prior to this post, it may be a good temporary solution, but is ultimately ineffective in the long run. If a child continues to do something that the parent doesn't like, then spanking may seem like the only option. However, that creates a cycle that is detrimental to the relationship of the parent and child, as well as teaching the child that it is acceptable to be violent. Before you know it, your child becomes one of those bullies at school, and you may even stop knowing who they really are entirely.

The point is, it's better to communicate with your child in the first place. Spanking shouldn't even be done as a last resort, in my opinion.

Speaking of, most (keyword: most) kids who are punished physically seem to do worse in school, and get in more trouble. What specifically is the cause and which is the effect isn't as well known.

[Dragiiin123]

Hitting your kid? RETARDED.
You want to hit YOUR creation??! Discipline my ass. So what if he's being a ****ing "devel". He's a kid for **** sakes. Kids are supposed to be retarded.
+And it doesn't make the kid perfect. It makes the kid insecure. If you can't handle a kid, don't make one.
****

[Ayunnuya]

Originally Posted by Dragiiin123

Hitting your kid? RETARDED.
You want to hit YOUR creation??! Discipline my ass. So what if he's being a ****ing "devel". He's a kid for **** sakes. Kids are supposed to be retarded.
+And it doesn't make the kid perfect. It makes the kid insecure. If you can't handle a kid, don't make one.
****

So what will you do if your child doesn't obey? Tell him no again? Give him a time-out? It's not hitting your child. When a child won't obey, there are consequences. Spanking is one of those consequences.
"Save the Rod, spoil the Child."

[LoPun]

Originally Posted by Dragiiin123

Hitting your kid? RETARDED.
You want to hit YOUR creation??! Discipline my ass. So what if he's being a ****ing "devel". He's a kid for **** sakes. Kids are supposed to be retarded.
+And it doesn't make the kid perfect. It makes the kid insecure. If you can't handle a kid, don't make one.
****

True, but some times these kids are as annoying as hell, and really pisses you off by not listening to you and totally mocking you then you could lose it and beat the hell out of the kid.
But yeah, it you can't handle kids, don't make them.

Here's a kid that deserves it.

I swear if I was the mother I would tear that fat @$$ in half.

[Ayunnuya]

Originally Posted by LoPun

I swear if I was the mother I would tear the fat off his @$$.

Notice my *ahem* Minor Changes.

[Jason_Henge]

Nice video, and perfect example that some kids deserve to be punished with some violence. Of course, if all else fails, you just send the little brat to a boot camp so the drill masters there can dicipline them. Time outs don't work. Time out is plotting time. "Think about what you did." That's just giving them time to plot revenge! I don't care if it goes out of style, I'm not letting spanking fade away.

[Sub-zero]

Originally Posted by FreezeWarp

Speaking of, most (keyword: most) kids who are punished physically seem to do worse in school, and get in more trouble. What specifically is the cause and which is the effect isn't as well known.

Whoa, really? Well that explains a lot. Lol.

Kids? Who has those anymore?

[Squid]

Yes, they should. People today don't discipline their children well enough and it turns them into spoiled brats that walk all over their parents. You have to show your kid that you have authority or else they're just gonna disobey you and cause trouble. If you start discipline at an early age then they will know when they are older that you don't play around. Nowadays there are other things you can use as discipline though, such as cutting off their cell phone, their internet, etc.

[Jason_Henge]

Seriously, if you get The Maury Show, watch it! Whenever he has a "My Teen Is Out Of Control" I have to watch it for a laugh. These 13-year-olds are out doing drugs, drinking and prostituting. And the attitude! Oh gawd!

Teen: I need my privacy too. It's my room!
Maury: Yeah, but it's her house!
PWN'D!!

[Shadow]

Let me say that I am kind of split on my opinion due to very sensible reasons from experience; first of all, parents who deal with their kids using verbal communication (such as warnings, explanation of mistake, etc.) might be promoting a better mentality for their kids. However, in most cases, this way of disciplining does not prevent the kids from doing the mistake again, nor does it make them feel threatened to not repeat it. Sure, some sensible kids may learn from their mistake and try to avoid it, but they won't feel that something really 'big' will happen to them if they don't. As an example, my uncle is American and follows the method of talking the mistake over with his kids and teaching them why it's negative. In most cases, my cousins repeat it again without any feeling of threat because they haven't really seen a more authoritative way to take control of them. Other parents might punish kids from certain things they like, such as a video game or the computer, and this might be a good way of dealing with them, but it still makes the kids feel 'trapped'. All of this explains why I'm against using 'soft language' only to discipline kids.

Now, parents who whip their children with belts like they are slaves, or do other forms of severe violence to them may be destroying their children's mentality and developing hatred and carelessness in them. While some of the kids who get beaten like this might not repeat the mistake again, they inevitably feel 'weak' or unable to confess mistakes to the parents again. This psychological effect on them, in most cases, has to be there, be it temporary or permanent. This explains why I believe that extreme violence is a very wrong and ignorant way of dealing with children. Instead of such a severe punishment, the parent can simply give the kid a 'light' form of physical punishment (such as a spank) to warn them and to remind them that they still have some authority over him/her. In the case of a more stubborn teenager, a harsher way of physical punishment can be followed, but that doesn't mean using extreme violence such as whipping with belts, etc.

Bottom line is: using either 'soft language' or severe forms of violence only is impractical and ineffective. I think that a balance between the two should be established to ensure the kids are disciplined. They could be warned verbally the first time, explained their mistake and its consequences, and punished from things that they like. If that doesn't work, some sort of violence (which is not severe) must be followed.

[OMGITSJAD]

Originally Posted by Sub-zero

Kids? Who has those anymore?

People who want to advance society instead of letting the human race die out. :V

While I don't know how i'll treat my kids exactly(I kinda want only one kid to avoid having a ton of financial stuff that comes with having two...and maybe a girl, but i'll make sure that she isn't spoiled like my stepsisters), I might try not to use violence to repremand her as much due to it being more and more frowned upon in recent times, what Freeze said, and giving a time out might be just as effective.

[Sub-zero]

Originally Posted by OMGITSJAD

People who want to advance society instead of letting the human race die out. :V

Don't think I was serious, kause it was a joke.

Without children, making top assassins would be rather difficult.

[Fubab_107]

I think it's alright, but if the violence intensifies, then it should stop. Some kids(etc. Me) won't learn their lesson with simple yelling, Thus I had to be spanked. It gets the though into the kid that "Doing something wrong will hurt me".

[Buizel456]

Honestly, I'm half for both (I go for the no disciplining children though, as TRT said, violence doesn't solve anything)

One, I don't think just spanking will just make sense into your child, talking sense into your children helps too. Along with other disciplines, such as cutting off internet and/or their cell phone (as squid said) and also what Freeze said, abuse to your child makes them do worse in school and get in more trouble, are most likely to grow up and become a criminal, and having more hatred and rebelling against the parent. As for I, my father beat me senselessly with a wooden ruler (really hard) when I was around 5 years old, because of a matter I sure I'm not allowed to talk about. It made me hate him until this day :S

Two, if the child is somewhat, a giant brat (like that kid in the video lopun posted) I think the child deserves spanking, or hitting with a belt. Probably a good use for a last resort. But if you hit them so hard that they're some sort of an annoyance like a mosquito, it destroys your child's mentality, like others said, also having more hatred and rebelling against the parent, like I said before

[Idno58]

I personally don't know which is better but I'm sure glad I never got spanked or anything. I turned out well enough.

[JC]

I have to say... yes, not an overuse of it, I hated the pain back then, I wasn't abused or anything like that I have done some very mean things as well as very good things, I might have turned out mean now if it weren't for my parents disciplining me. I have learned that don't attack someone if they call you dumb, stupid, or an idiot, but now if was called that, I turned to the person and say "yes, you are." turn around and walk away, I have learned to control my anger, so I don't need discipline anymore...

[[TRDRS]PokeTrader]

i think it is completely wrong, i agree with TRT and the others with him!!!

[Cam Chomp]

I don't think whipping them with a belt is necessary just spanking them is enough

[Turtwig]

I don't think that violence is the answer, if you use violence all your doing is just damaging your child's brain, instead of being kind and understanding, so that they may respect you and respect you back.