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  #1  
Old August 19, 2011, 07:33:52 AM
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Elaine Elaine is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: With PONIES.
Posts: 217
Default Sign-Up Review Thread

RPG Sign-Ups are important parts to RPG's. So here is a place where people can review your character.

Because I'm a nice gal, I'll show you the right and the wrong ways to review someone's character. Most people poke at the History as that says a lot about the character. Here's a random History for a character I just typed up on the spot so it has few logical gaps and the like.

Quote:
Rachel never recieved much attention as a child as she had a brother who had a mental disability. Her family had many problems with her. One night she slapped him because he wasn't understanding anything, so her parents were really mad at her because she knew better so... she took a walk to calm herself down. When she was walking he accidently ran into pidgeotto territory and she was attacked by them. Before she could react the pidgeottos were pecking at her arm and then a trainer with a strong Gyarados came and defeated all the pidgeottos. Then the trainer called 911.
The next morning, Rachel woke up in the hospital. The trainer came in and told her that if she was going to be walking around the place she'd need some strong Pokemon.
Now let's break it down to review it piece by piece.

Quote:
Rachel never recieved much attention as a child as she had a brother who had a mental disability.
This is the start of a classic Mary-Sue syndrome. This starts the path for a character that will proabably act really angsty or emo during the roleplay. Unless the parents are bad parents (which I wouldn't suggest, for this is another Mary-Sue past) both children would proabably get the same amount of attention, or else the parents would've tried. He might be jealous of other kids, because they have normal siblings but that's completely off the point. It would be wise to change this, if you would like a better history for your character.

That was quite helpful review, eh? Now let's look at the "not-so-good" review.

First off that doesn't make sense at all. So his sister was "Special" why would that drag away any attention? You're making a completely bratty character and you're not going to get into a RPG with a bad history.

Um how is this going to help the person? It's not. This is practically a flame and it's not helping whatsoever.

Quote:
One night she slapped him because he wasn't understanding anything, so her parents were really mad at her because she knew better so... she took a walk to calm himself down.
OMG!!! I feel so bad for him his parents are totaly meen!! He's certainyl smart to calm down though.

Not helping. It's just stating something very opinionated, and is not going to help the person at all.

One would think that after being with her brother for so many years that she would get used to his tendencies? You should proabably explain why she blew up at him in a diffrent way then "he wouldn't understand", perhaps he didn't but there's certainly a different way on how to describe that. Exactly she knew better, so his parents yelled at him. She went for a walk doesn't really cut it, did she sneak out without his parent's permission in spite? Or did she simply go up to her parents and say "I'm going to remove myself in an act to calm down. So I shall be on a walk?" The possiblities are endless!

A much, much better review as it explains why one might be a little confused about said person's character. See what makes a good review, and what makes a bad review? Try to elaborate when reviewing, so the aforementioned person gets a good idea on how bad their character really is. Don't flame and say stuff that could get you infracted. It's lame and makes you look like a n00b.

So please only post here if you want someone to review your character or you want to review someone else's character. I'm sure somebody will help you out with your character woes.
  #2  
Old August 19, 2011, 12:18:54 PM
Elaine's Avatar
Elaine Elaine is offline
Zoroark
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: With PONIES.
Posts: 217
Default

*requests sticky*
Well I guess I'll be the first poster and post my character who will be participating in this RPG on another site.
Name: Elaine Mae Ash
Age: 19 3/4
Gender: Female

Hometown: Celadon Castle Town in a small dilapidated shack in the far side of town overlooking the Cycling Road.

Description: Elaine has soft, short hair that is the color of honey. She has salty green eyes that resemble the color of the sea on an overcast day. Her eyebrows are not that thick and are the same honey color as her hair. Elaine has tanned skin and a straight teeth smile that lights up her sea-green eyes when she smiles. She has a small neighborhood of freckles on her cheeks which are orange in color.

Elaine has a small button nose and small light-pink lips. She has long tan arms which sway gracefully when she walks. Her tan legs are just as long as her arms. Elaine has a slight skip in her step when she is in a happy mood.

She is a victim of fashion, and does not have a lot of clothing to choose from. Elaine’s attire usually consists of a plain green leather dress which goes down to her mid-thigh. She does wear short beige shorts under her dress, mind you. For shoes, Elaine wears brown leather boots which rise up to her lower calf. Elaine wears a bright silver necklace which has an open-able pendant which has a picture of her father and mother occupying it. She carries around a simple leather purse which she carries around her valuables in.

Personality: Elaine can always be relied upon to carry out orders, for her old job demanded her so. Her soft, gentle eyes rarely miss a trick, but sometimes she stresses over small stuff. Elaine can be a bit over protective, which causes people to get annoyed with her easily. She seems quite strong on the outside, but on the inside, she is a nervous wreck. Elaine’s voice is soft and gentle, and she is a symbol of awe when she presents speeches for public gatherings.

Elaine has the tendency to act on her impulses without thinking things through, but her impulses are usually of the good nature. When in a good mood, Elaine is quite sympathetic, kind-hearted, and cheerful. But when suffering of a bad mood, Elaine appears quite melancholy and thoughtful. She rarely cries, but if whatever she is going through is horrible enough, she will be like a sprinkler and quite indifferent if you try to calm her down.

She does her best to please her peers, and will usually never degrade her friends. Elaine is not easily angered, and will do her best to remain in her happy, cheerful alter-ego. She prefers to keep a comfortable distance from everybody since she’s been hurt by people so much. Elaine sometimes writes poetry to rid her of her negative emotions. Her poetry is usually of the melancholy kind.

History: As a dedicated disciple of Queen Carmen and a resident of Celadon Castle Town, she used to work in the magnificent castle as a handmaiden of the queen. But her job was a lowly one, and she never got to gaze upon the queen. Elaine’s handmaiden “jobs” was usually just doing laundry, making up beds, and watering plants. It payed well, but Elaine eventually got bored of it. She quit hesitantly, and now ponders upon if she made the right decision.

She was born in Celadon, and still lives there with her mother and father. Elaine’s mother works as a gardener and sells her plants in the Celadon Market. On the other hand, her father is a musician who makes small wages playing his guitar wherever he can. Sometimes Elaine and her father play music together; her father rocking out on his guitar, Elaine playing gentle tunes on her harmonica. Elaine is a single child. Her family has trouble paying taxes, but they always come through strong.

Fighting Style: Battling is not Elaine’s forté, but if she is in a particular situation where battling is inevitable, she will play different melodies on her harmonica to either soothe or harm the opponent. She supposes that her fighting style is special since it involves the magic of music. If Elaine is in a situation that she is unable to play her harmonica, she will do her best to smack opponents with her indestructible harmonica.

Weapon of Choice: It is not really a weapon, but she does wield a sea-green, indestructible, 10-hole diatonic harmonica which has small patches of rust covering the musical instrument. The harmonica has a small, round crevice on the top cover plate which is used to insert whatever Poke’cite.

Starting Poke'cite: Elaine’s starting Poke’cite is the inaccurate move, Grasswhistle. When using the forest green Poke’cite inputted into her harmonica, the opponent will usually fall asleep. But it is only a matter of luck if Grasswhistle achieves its job. When she plays the notes of Grasswhistle a soft green light omits from the harmonica and then the green light embraces whoever the target is.

Other: The harmonica can be indestructible, right? Compared to swords and bows, it is just a simple harmonica. Barely even a weapon. I was thinking that Perish Song would be the ultimate move for Elaine. xP

Any rates?
 
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