Serious: Shadow's Poetry

[Shadow]

Inspired by the responsiveness to Elaine's poems, I decided to showcase some of my poetry in the hopes of getting feedback from you guys. Most of my poems were created after important or eye-catching events or scenes that I experienced. I usually don't get many poems written in a short time because I like to give my works a lot of thought and perfect them as much as possible. Nevertheless, I will try my best to occasionally update this thread.

Snow

Year written: 2008
The first decent poem I've ever written in my life. I was a kid back then, and I was quite fascinated by snow.

Snow    

After leaves fall and the orange theme disappears,

Comes fluffy cotton: so gentle, so clear.

Smiles show, happiness blazes, kids fly

To a known world covered in a white dye.

Pines, cypresses and oaks all clothed in white,

While houses lay dormant at the ice-cold rise,

Standing, lifeless, just gazing through.

Woods crackle in chimneys inactive all awhile,

People embracing blankets, looking fragile!

But I’m standing all alone, watching flakes of snow,

Coming down solemnly with a mild glow.

My heart uncontrollably goes and flows,

Quietly, effectively, praising the winter-rose.

The Thundering Volcano

Year written: Early 2009.
Since, to my surprise, the first poem received positive reviews from my friends and teachers, I decided the nature theme suited me. So following the news coverage of a volcanic eruption which took place around that time, I went with the same theme again in this poem.

The Thundering Volcano    

An island driven out far to the sea

Served quietly for all its folk,

When suddenly, as soon as it could be,

A rumble from a volcano freely broke.



It all aggravated to a longer roar;

A howl, a crackle, then a mightier growl,

Till boom! Holler! The explosion did soar

Creating a patch of disastrous foul.



Lumps of rock and magma flew

Erupting and terrorizing all that’s around,

The sky so illuminated, what a view,

The clouds all burnt, what a bound!



Cloaks of smoke hazed beyond the sight,

Pressed on people, choking them alive.

Stupendous lava burning so bright,

Scorching the lands with no revive.



The air so stifling, the flames galore,

Painted the world with a catastrophic décor,

Fate has ordered no peace is achieved,

Thus a volcano was well-received.

Orphan

Year written: Early 2010 (I removed all the other silly poems I created up to this time)
I consider this poem a turning point in my mentality, since I started to engage in more emotional topics revolving around human feelings. After watching an interview with an orphan child, I decided to try and live this character.
Notable achievement: 1st place winner of the 2009-2010 Literature competition - judged by Dedra L. Stevenson, author of The Hakima's Tale Trilogy.

Orphan    

That day the world closed

Like a rose stripped of bloom,

Like a paper being fold,

Life just wrapped in gloom.



That day I burst into tears:

What to do? Where to start?

With thoughts of utter fear

Slashing my lonesome heart.



I looked upon this earth

Frightened of what I see:

A dark plain stripped of mirth,

Colourless, very uneasy.



That day I lost all hope,

A tragic life, with no support,

Falling off a steep slope,

With no happiness of any sort.



This daunting day I’ll never forget,

All wrongs I did, I’ll ever regret,

This day, my memory will never acclaim,

The day when I, an orphan became.

The Assassination of Julius Caesar

Year written: Early 2011
Inspired by Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" play in my English Literature class (which is based on true historical characters and events), I decided to write a poem for the assignment which our teacher gave us. It describes the murder of Julius Caesar by the Liberatores - a moment which I envision as dramatically shocking and thrilling.

The Assassination of Julius Caesar    

And amidst the night the killers move

To where the king of all resides;

Daggers tearing the air to remove

What stands of Rome's dirty pride.



And they approach him, murderously so,

Cimber grabbing and pulling him down,

While Casca made an attempt below

To stab the crying god's crown.



And while he tried to elude the strike,

Blinded by blood, he tripped and fell.

The faces of Liberals, with immense dislike,

Drowned the cacophony of stunned yells.



And they thrust themselves forcefully through,

Relentlessly stabbing at the mighty god,

Until one slash twitched his view

By a long-lost friend among the squad.



"And you too, Brutus?" the dying king asked,

Revealing the betrayal of a bitter age,

But the effect of such a fatal task,

Left the corpse in the big, wide stage.



And the slayers fled into the stormy sky,

To be met by a soundless sight,

And they parted themselves hoping to belie,

The wounds of an anguish bite.

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I hope that you liked my old-to-somewhat new poems, and in case you want to comment on any of them (constructively), feel free to do so. I have saved my most recent, and also my most favourite, poem until I continue to receive feedback on my work. I seriously can't wait to post it over here!

[teamplasma]

You are a great writer! Very descriptive! Nice wording!

[Elaine]

Shadow~ <3 I will have to type a more detailed review later, but your poems are quite interesting to say the least.

[Shadow]

Originally Posted by teamplasma

You are a great writer! Very descriptive! Nice wording!

Thanks a lot!

Originally Posted by Elaine

Shadow~ <3 I will have to type a more detailed review later, but your poems are quite interesting to say the least.

I'll be waiting

[The Spirit of Time]

I love the one with the Volcano title the most.

[Shadow]

Originally Posted by The Spirit of Time

I love the one with the Volcano title the most.

I think this is the first time someone said "The Thundering Volcano" was their favourite, so your opinion is very much appreciated.

[Aquablast]

They are nice poems Shadow.

[Shadow]

Originally Posted by Aquablast

They are nice poems Shadow.

Thank you! =]

[AuraKshatriya]

Woah.....you're kind of totally awesome. I haven't written any poems (that I'd considered done for myself instead of just a school project...well, one last night, but it's rather short.) in a few years, so the more recent ones aren't really worth showcasing....anyway, digressing aside, it's quite obvious why you took first in the Literature Competition. Your vibrant word choice also makes the poems very interesting just to read, and the images evoked so clearly make contemplation even more fun I'm kind of feeling like writing a poem myself now xD

[Shadow]

Originally Posted by AuraKshatriya

Woah.....you're kind of totally awesome. I haven't written any poems (that I'd considered done for myself instead of just a school project...well, one last night, but it's rather short.) in a few years, so the more recent ones aren't really worth showcasing....anyway, digressing aside, it's quite obvious why you took first in the Literature Competition. Your vibrant word choice also makes the poems very interesting just to read, and the images evoked so clearly make contemplation even more fun I'm kind of feeling like writing a poem myself now xD

This is one feedback I'll hold dearly to my heart. That was totally amazing of you to say!

[Shadow]

Bumping this thread in the hope that someone still cares to read the poems I compose.
Here's another poem of mine. It is the second most recent and also my second favourite poem out of all the ones I've written thus far, so I hope you guys will like it as much as I do.

The Assassination of Julius Caesar

Year written: Early 2011
Inspired by Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" play in my English Literature class (which is based on true historical characters and events), I decided to write a poem for the assignment which our teacher gave us. It describes the murder of Julius Caesar by the Liberatores - a moment which I envision as dramatically shocking and thrilling.

The Assassination of Julius Caesar    

And amidst the night the killers move

To where the king of all resides;

Daggers tearing the air to remove

What stands of Rome's dirty pride.



And they approach him, murderously so,

Cimber grabbing and pulling him down,

While Casca made an attempt below

To stab the crying god's crown.



And while he tried to elude the strike,

Blinded by blood, he tripped and fell.

The faces of Liberals, with immense dislike,

Drowned the cacophony of stunned yells.



And they thrust themselves forcefully through,

Relentlessly stabbing at the mighty god,

Until one slash twitched his view

By a long-lost friend among the squad.



"And you too, Brutus?" the dying king asked,

Revealing the betrayal of a bitter age,

But the effect of such a fatal task,

Left the corpse in the big, wide stage.



And the slayers fled into the stormy sky,

To be met by a soundless sight,

And they parted themselves hoping to belie,

The wounds of an anguish bite.

And if you're actually interested in remaining updated, I've saved the best poem in my opinion for last. If you provide feedback on any/all of my poems, especially "The Assassination of Julius Caesar", I would feel grateful and encouraged to post more of my work in the future, including the #1 poem I just talked about!

[Elaine]

I'm impressed. Julius Caesar was my favorite Roman general. <3 His influences in Roman government are quite clear as he played a deciding niche in the gradual transformation of the Roman Republic into the Roman Empire. The poem has a lovely beat. The gentle flow, while describing a brutal assasination, fits well with your prior work.

[Shadow]

Originally Posted by Elaine

I'm impressed. Julius Caesar was my favorite Roman general. <3 His influences in Roman government are quite clear as he played a deciding niche in the gradual transformation of the Roman Republic into the Roman Empire. The poem has a lovely beat. The gentle flow, while describing a brutal assasination, fits well with your prior work.

Sorry I'm late, but thank you! I'm glad you liked this poem