Read this e-mail...I need help

[Armed Floatzel]

When no one will listen to those who can't cope with their problems, drastic measures must be taken. I'm one of those people. I think I have issues.

Hi _____,

This e-mail will not be as happy as they usually are. That's because I need some help. I can't move forward in life.

I think I'm depressed. In fact, there's strong evidence that I am. Ever since school ended, I've been living a life of fear, anxiety, sadness, and bitter anger. I'm mad at my parents for the things they have done to me, and have denied me. I'm also really scared of what else they could do. I would never say bad things about my own parents just to get attention, but some of the things they have put me through, to me, is unacceptable.

For example, I'm not getting a Halloween this year, for the second year in a row. In fact, when I talked to mom about what I could do this Halloween today, she gave me a dirty look and talked to me as if I was getting on her nerves. I've been denied Halloween twice. Aside from Halloween, she seldom talks to me when I have problems, apart from shooing me away because she's watching a movie.

Next, I will talk about dad. Dad has been one of the biggest sources of stress in my life. He scares me a lot. I stay up in my room all day when he comes home from work because I'm so scared that he will yell at me for something ridiculous (like making "faces" when he smokes in the kitchen and I breathe in the smoke). Remember when in school I e-mailed ______ about dad? This is the stuff I was talking about. He almost yells at me for doing what I'm told. He's aggressive at times and has come right up to my face, grinding his teeth, and...well you know the rest.

Next, we have our new puppy. Dad yells at me over the puppy too, especially when he breaks or chews something. He was the one that got the puppy and none of us knew we were getting one, especially a Lurcher. Poor mom and I have to babysit him and watch him to make sure he doesn't set the house on fire (like he almost did with a lit candle one time).

My sister's going through her changes (and her attitude is rotten). I get yelled at just for being in her room.

I just can't live an enjoyable life because of the stress that I go through every day. As for the depression, here are some of the things I've noticed:

1: My bedtimes are abnormal. Today I woke up at 4 PM. Last night I went to bed at 5 AM.

2: Not even video games give me much enjoyment anymore. I find myself listening to music all the time I don't normally listen to because I can connect with it.

3: I'm desperate enough that I'm talking to my friends online about my problems because no one else will listen to me. No one.

4: ______ is the only friend I have, and I can only visit him one a month on average. All the other days, I'm at home, getting yelled at for something, cleaning up after my sister, or crying at night because I feel my will to live slowly fading.

5: I've had thoughts of suicide and death, usually with a noose. I usually try to fantasize how everyone around me would react because I feel that no one would care. In fact, I feel that my sister would love to not have an annoying brother who gets in her way all the time. My dad would be ever so happy to not have someone who is disrespectful to him all the time. And my mom wouldn't have anyone to pester her when she's watching a movie.

6: My appetite has changed as well. I skip meals every day. Usually breakfast or lunch.

7: I can't focus on what I'm doing because unwanted thoughts come to mind. I can't avoid thinking about sad things.

8: I feel the need to be alone most of the time, yet I get very lonely. _____ is all I have left.

9: I get homesick when I think of my friends from Florida.

10: I've been crying quite a lot a night recently because I feel all this is too much for me to bear.

11: I feel helpless to stop or control my life. I'm losing my ability to cope.

12: I'm losing my will to live. Every day, something reminds me that I'm not supposed to be a part of this world. No matter how hard I try to make something happy out of the day, something always brings me down to the point where I question my reasons to live.

I'm writing to you because I feel I can trust you with something as delicate as this. Can you forward this to ______ when you get the chance? I'm acting out of pure desperation. I don't want dad to get in trouble and get his job taken from him. Otherwise, that's it for all of us. But I can't live this way. I want ______ to know about my situation as well because she can help. I've taken a lot of online tests for depression and they all show "red alert."

Please, ____. I'm suffering every day and I don't know how much more I can take before I "snuff the candle."

With all sincerity,
______

[Idno58]

Ouch... this is depressing... well, I would tell the kid to talk to his guidance counselor at school (if he has one) or to talk to a certified family Psychologist, but those kinds of things usually need parental consent, which I don't see that happening anytime soon. If he needs to act at a last resort, he should run away to the nearest police station and tell the authorities about his abusive parents, which seem to be the source of his depression.

If he can't do any of this, tell him to live on. He could probably be an amazing Psychologist or Philosopher or someone who works with the human mind.

But, if his parents are this bad, he should really talk to an authority about it, because in today's world, these parents' behavior is unacceptable.

[TheAppleFreak]

EDIT: Is this about you or a friend? If it's for you, then yeah. If not, send it to your friend.
________________________

Well then... this certainly isn't good. I understand a lot of what you're saying; earlier this year I too had become suicidal and very nearly committed suicide by stabbing myself with a knife. I know just how inherently stressful it all is, and not having a good outlet to vent that stress can lead to adverse effects in all areas of life. It can be hard, and judging from your email, your environment doesn't really help much.

I'll address your points one by one here in a genuine attempt to be useful.
1) Abnormal bedtimes: This one's a little difficult to address, but I'd strongly recommend that you try to schedule your day and night. Waking up at 4PM isn't healthy. I'd suggest that one day when you wake up at a relatively normal time, try to go to bed at around 9 PM. If you feel abnormally tired earlier in the day, don't go to bed. Also, set an alarm for yourself and respond to it. Getting a good amount of sleep on a normal schedule does make a big difference.

2) What type of video games do you play? I'd recommend getting an FPS to play against real people, even if you're not very good at it. Believe it or not, launching a rocket in someone's face in Halo or getting a headshot in Team Fortress 2 can lighten your mood considerably, especially if you imagine your target's face to be the person you're mad at. However, if you die, don't get annoyed at it; just accept that they either got lucky or you made a mistake and move on. Also, although it might just seem like a gimmick, any game that is either impossibly hard (I Wanna Be The Guy, Super Kaizo World) or has a system of achievements (First example that comes to mind is Team Fortress 2) is good to play because it'll motivate you to get that last thing or to beat that boss. Not to mention that IWBTG can kill you in such impossibly hilarous and unexpected ways that you can't help but laugh.

Another suggestion would be to not play video games, but rather to go outside and play a sport or something else. If there's a soccer field near your house, then ask someone if you could join them. Take a bike and ride a few miles, be it out into the suburbs/country or amongst the traffic in the city. Go to your local pool if there's one where you live and swim. Anything that'll get your heart pumping is good for you. Also, try to do it regularly.

In regards to the music, that's normal. I'd try to listen to soothing and calming songs; those relieve stress more than the fast and energetic songs of the pop/rock/electronic/metal variety. However, DON'T listen to blues or anything that sounds depressing. That won't do any good.

3) I quite honestly think that desperate is too strong a word. It doesn't matter whether it's a friend on the Internet or a friend in real life; it's a friend nonetheless.

4) Make that visit something special and something to look forwards to. Try chatting with him on the Internet to pass the time between visits, if that's possible. As a personal example, this year I transferred schools and due to conflicting schedules, most of the time I can't see my old friends anymore. On average, I see them only once every two months now, but I always make sure that I keep up with them via Facebook and text message and that when we have common free times I can see them again.

5) I know exactly what you mean here; a few months before and after my suicide attempt, I fantasized about it in the exact same way. Despite what you might think, though, they will care. You've been living with your parents and sister for all your life; they love you very deeply despite their behavior towards you. Depression can muddle your thoughts regarding these things, I learned. If you commit suicide, they will feel hurt by it, and it's not a superficial "flesh wound" but rather one of the deepest kinds of pain imaginable.

Take this for example: you're much older and have a loving wife. You also have, say, a new car that you love very much. What happens if the car gets stolen? Easy, you buy a new car using the insurance money that you smartly put on the car. What happens if your wife dies? That's a whole different matter. You can't go out and purchase a new wife, no matter what the laws your country has about it say. She'll be gone, an irreplaceable part of you.*
Replace "wife" with "husband" if you're female.

Also take into consideration your friend from the above point. You dying would seriously impact him as well, as well as all of your other acquaintances that you know IRL and online. If you didn't take that into consideration before, take it into consideration now.

6) Make an attempt to eat three meals a day, even if it's a light meal. Skipping meals like that can cause protein imbalances and weaken your body's capability to cope with stress, not to mention lower your ability to focus and concentrate.

7) I'd recommend taking calcium supplemants, drinking fish oil, and having more vegetables. As with the above point, a proper diet can help a lot.

8) That's what the Internet is for, mate. In a related note, studies regarding people who can't stand crowds or any form of company (can't remember the exact term atm) become addicted to MMORPGs and other online games because it allows them to interact with others while not having to be with them in real life (in a semi-related note, also ask your parents to invest in a faster internet connection; those speeds are horrible).

9) ...I'm afraid I can't really help you there, except for added Internet communication with them if possible. Sorry.

10) Believe it or not, crying actually is a very good thing to do. I'm imagining that you feel better after crying (I made the horrible mistake of not crying during my ordeal); this is normal. Crying relieves a little bit of stress, but it by itself cannot make everything go away. It's also an indication of the amount of stress that you have built up within you, though. Maybe getting a stress ball to squeeze every now and then would help.

11) I felt this way too, but there's something again that depression skews as well. You can control your life, but you can't stop it. What YOU can do, though, is stop and reexamine how you cope. Maybe you should not try to act up and rebel to your parents, but rather follow their directions. Don't get worked up over them. If they yell at you or criticize what you're doing, simply accept it, follow their instructions, and move on. It might appear counter-intuitive, but what this does is helps them build up a better image of you to someone who is a better and more obedient person that deserves to be treated better. Eventually, if you do what they want in the way that they want it, they'll let you have more freedom and cut you some slack.

Your sister, however... good luck with that. I can't help you there, since I don't have a sister and I'm not a girl.

12) Don't. Those things that might seem like "reminders" are more like "persuaders;" they feed you a false truth and then bore it into your head so frequently that it seems like the truth (much like politics). Everyone has a purpose in life and everyone belongs here. Think to the future; that's pulled me through many times before.

Well, that's all I can say now. I hope this helps.
-TheAppleFreak