I fear for my life

[Armed Floatzel]

There is a line between being a dad and being a child abuser. I think my dad's crossed that line. I e-mailed my Assistant principal at my school after what happened this evening. Here's what I wrote:

I know this is strange coming from a student but I'm not coping well with my dad and his threatening behavior. I fear for my personal safety every afternoon. I can't talk to him without getting a finger pointed at my face or a clenched fist. He talks to me in a way that would get him fired at work if I was there. I don't know who to turn to for help or protection. Mom's either too scared or apathetic to do anything about it. My sister laughs at my suffering. I've had this problem for several years if not all my life. There is a line between being a dad and being a child abuser. I think he's crossed that line after what happened today.

It all began at dinner. Mom had cooked us dinner and we were all at the table. I was eating when dad started talking to me. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about at first but the trouble started after I said something that I didn't think would offend dad in any way. It was probably something unimportant. Anyway, he gave me his usual lecture of how I was being "disrespectful" as he likes to say. After a while, he started raising his voice, telling me not to yell, which I found hypocritical since he was yelling himself. I told him I wanted to eat elsewhere and was about to tell him it was because I didn't want to have a reason to answer back, but he ordered me to sit across from him.

I tried telling him that I'm not trying to answer back to him; I tried to say things that would stop this argument, but he continued to insist that I was being rude and I "JUST DON'T GET IT!!!" Then I told him I wanted to eat elsewhere so I wouldn't have a reason to talk back to him, but he wanted me to stay put. I couldn't finish one word of my responses because he kept interrupting. He started pointing his finger uncomfortably close to my face. I take ju-jitsu lessons every Wednesday and I saw that now would be a good time to anticipate an attack. He goes to ju-jitsu as well. I told him "you're the one that's yelling," and he picked up his fork and held it up as if he was going to stab me with it. I was scared for my life. When dad eventually finished, he got up and left through the back door. I told mom that I was scared but she didn't say anything helpful. I think she's scared too. My dad is quite strong. Mom is a bit frail. There is no way she could survive a fight with dad.

I was about to wash the dishes when dad said he had a job for me. I told him I was washing the dishes, but he got angry and told me to do his chore first. I had no choice but to do his job. The job was lifting cement packets to the garage. I could barely lift them. There were at least nine of them. Dad said that he wanted them two or three feet behind the door and I thought he said that he wanted the door to be open. I think differently from everyone else. I thought he meant stack the bags behind the open door, not the closed door. During my third bag, I found a lot of ants crawling around near the bag and I freaked out. I have an intense fear of insects but he told me that if I stack them wrong, he's going to make me move them again. Moving the bags was very unpleasant. It was worse when our new puppy started moving dangerously close to my legs. He got in the way and I tripped a few times. I told our puppy to move out of the way and my dad said "don't be mean to him!" I said that I tripped over him and that he was getting in my way. I also said that I didn't want to accidentally crush him to death, but he got mad at me again and said "Chester doesn't understand English."

He then said that if I killed our dog, even by accident, he was going to hurt me in some way. That's not exactly what he said but he made a strangling gesture when he broke off at "If you kill Chester, I'm gonna..."

I told him that I was trying to do what he said, but he kept treating as if I was deliberately disobeying him. I found this frustrating because he's telling me to do thing exactly the way he wants, and then gets mad at me afterwards. The words "What do you want me to do, then?" came out and he started yelling at me again.

I lost some of my med-assisted self-control and said "I can't believe you expect me to listen to you." He told me to come here. I went over there and he gave me a lecture of how he doesn't care about what I do when I'm 18, how rude and disrespectful I'm being, and he also slammed the ground with his garden fork/pickaxe tool. It took a long time for him to finish. Then I started to think about my future (if I have one) if dad continues to be so aggressive.

Things to remember:

1: I have Asperger's Syndrome, I have a genetic lack of social skills.

2: I have serious problems dealing with authority figures; I treat everyone younger and older than me like my equals.

3: I have problems controlling my emotions.

4: I've lived through a traumatic experience during middle school that still haunts me to this day.

5: Dad is bigger, stronger, and has less self-control than I do.

6: Whenever someone makes a threatening gesture at me, I think he's actually going to do it.

7: I get mad and impatient very very quickly.

Here's something I would say without self control to my dad:

Dad: I'm the father, you're the son.

Me: You're just another human being, just like me. I have rights too.

Please help me. I'm scared. I don't know who to turn to for help. I keep thinking my dad's out to get me and it makes me want to run away.

Sincerely,
_________
12th Grade

I AM scared. The way he raised his fork at dinner and his loud voice brought back some bad memories. Does anyone know how to cope with this problem?

[LiteTheIronMan]

I would actually suggest moving out or reporting your father to the authorities if this continues. If it becomes serious (and it sounds like it has) you have to get the word out about it.

[TheRagingTyranitar]

^Moving out is not the solution.Try contacting the authorities.

[Yoshi648]

I definitely agree, talk with your counselor or teachers. Heck if there is a police station near you just go in and talk with someone how your father is acting up and you are seriously scared for your life. Once he sees you coming home with a police officer or two as an escort he'll probably start thinking differently. I can already tell he is probably going to have to take a few classes in anger management.

[Armed Floatzel]

Originally Posted by Yoshi648

I definitely agree, talk with your counselor or teachers. Heck if there is a police station near you just go in and talk with someone how your father is acting up and you are seriously scared for your life. Once he sees you coming home with a police officer or two as an escort he'll probably start thinking differently. I can already tell he is probably going to have to take a few classes in anger management.

If he gets arrested and sentenced, my family is going to lose everything. Dad is the only one who has a job. I don't know how to take care of myself yet. Mom doesn't have a job anymore. My sister is too young (and too mouthy) to hold a job.

I'm walking a tightrope here between physical harm and financial harm.

[Yoshi648]

Well he doesn't necessarily have to go to jail, they will probably make him take some anger management classes since that seems to be his main issue. Again, I would recommend talking with your school counselor since they would be more knowledgeable on the situation then any of us here.

[Aries]

You've already done the right thing by contacting your principal. As of now, I don't really know yet. Things have aleady gotten too far, don't be afraid to call the cops or something. Your father is obviously the REAL disrespectful one in this situation.

[emperorempoleon2]

What WAS the traumatic experience you suffered in middle school?

Anyways, I feel the same way and actually have most of the criteria that you have. Asperger's, oppressive dad, people don't understand that I don't mean to be disrespectful, people won't listen to my excuses why something did/didn't/almost did happen, etc.

Yes, I think your dad is psychotic and taking his rage out on you. I mean, you were forced to DO HIS CHORE FOR HIM!!!! By God, who DOES THAT to their kids!? I think he needs counseling or something to control his anger.

[EricThePelipper]

Report him to the authorities immediately. You need to tell the police everything, he only has the job and we can't support our family. I've been threatened and anything else that is important. You need to tell your school staff the above too, sometimes they hold drives for families who are low on money or supplies b/c the amount of people with a job in that family.